AMY MEISSNER
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Box of mystery.

8/19/2015

16 Comments

 
I think masculinity is bravado against the mystery of the universe of women. It's just a fear of not knowing what women have that's so powerful. It's this shield they put up to try to get closer.

          K. D. Lang

A woman I have never met, whose face (in entirety) I have never seen, who lives in a place I have never traveled to, just sent me a box. 

Amy Meissner, textile artist. From the post Box of mystery. www.amymeissner.com/blog/box-of-mystery

When she contacted me to ask if she could do such a thing, I told her, "No anthrax. No firebombs."

Amy Meissner, textile artist. From the post Box of mystery. www.amymeissner.com/blog/box-of-mystery

She sent pointy vintage brassieres instead.

Amy Meissner, textile artist. From the post Box of mystery. www.amymeissner.com/blog/box-of-mystery

And a pair of stockings with seams up the back and the cardboard tag still fastened.

Amy Meissner, textile artist. From the post Box of mystery. www.amymeissner.com/blog/box-of-mystery

Textiles with the scent of storage and story and life.

Amy Meissner, textile artist. From the post Box of mystery. www.amymeissner.com/blog/box-of-mystery
Amy Meissner, textile artist. From the post Box of mystery. www.amymeissner.com/blog/box-of-mystery

And mystery.
My girl and I, we opened the box. Tried some things on.

Amy Meissner, textile artist. From the post Box of mystery. www.amymeissner.com/blog/box-of-mystery

Of course, the 9-year-old boys spied on us through the window.
And were caught.

Amy Meissner, textile artist. From the post Box of mystery. www.amymeissner.com/blog/box-of-mystery
Amy Meissner, textile artist. From the post Box of mystery. www.amymeissner.com/blog/box-of-mystery
Amy Meissner, textile artist. From the post Box of mystery. www.amymeissner.com/blog/box-of-mystery
Amy Meissner, textile artist. From the post Box of mystery. www.amymeissner.com/blog/box-of-mystery

This glimpse of what's to come is nothing any boy could understand, whether or not he sees it with his own eyes. It is the mystery of womanhood and of women -- past, present, future -- of their bodies and lives, their ideals of beauty and hopes, their attempts to save the very best for some occasion that never comes. Tags still intact. 

It may have been one of the purest moments I have ever spent with my girl.

Amy Meissner, textile artist. From the post Box of mystery. www.amymeissner.com/blog/box-of-mystery
Amy Meissner, textile artist. From the post Box of mystery. www.amymeissner.com/blog/box-of-mystery

I don't know what I will do with these items. Maybe something, maybe nothing. But when my child tests me and pushes me and fights me and when we hurt each other unintentionally, I will conjure this afternoon -- the day before first grade -- and open the box again. I will not be authority in that moment, she will not be tyrant. Our teeth will not be bared. We'll stop saving the best of each other for some special time and instead, be our best right then. Neither one of us will wield power; to move toward the unknown with another person is the ultimate equalizer. 

So, thank you, dear friend from far away. I know you thought you were sending items to a person who may find them useful. And I may. But the greater gift for me was an Alaskan afternoon in the waning days of summer, answering questions, asking questions and holding time in my hands before it skips away.

Amy Meissner, textile artist. From the post Box of mystery. www.amymeissner.com/blog/box-of-mystery

If any of you are on Pinterest, this is where I "met" Lee Ann Walker, the woman who sent this box of mystery. I mention it here because if you are interested in textile art, not only is she a talented creator, but she has one of the most curated sets of Pinterest boards I've ever seen, all organized by textile artist. It's an amazing resource. 

She, however, probably doesn't have anymore pointy bras to spare. So don't ask her about those.

16 Comments
Catherne Lawes link
8/19/2015 04:15:24 pm

Amy, once again you get to the heart of the matter. Not having a daughter I never went through that painful exhilirating experience. My own with my mother was somewhat rushed and uncomfortable, she could only do her best as I know hers was almost non existent. How would I have coped I do not know?

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Amy Meissner link
8/21/2015 11:22:05 pm

Catherine,
I grew up with 3 sisters, sure I "knew" girls and I'd never know what to do with a boy. It turns out, aside from those first 8 months of colic/eczema/impetigo/sleep refusal/hell, he's been pretty straight forward. My daughter is the ultimate enigma -- screaming one second, burying her nose in my armpit to inhale my deodorant the next, stomping away, slamming doors, curling up with cats, flailing her arms when she's misunderstood, laughing infectiously, and making up witty jokes. A microcosm of myself (but better at the jokes...the best, of course, came from her dad). I have no doubt that you would have "coped" with a daughter, Catherine, and I'm sure your son is amazing because of you, as well. Our children choose us. There are reasons we raise who we raise, but those mysteries may remain mysteries until long after we're gone.
Thank you for showing up here.
XO Amy

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Rachel Biel link
8/19/2015 05:39:12 pm

As usual, you are such a good story teller... I'm sorry you are having such a tough time with your daughter. She is so cute! My Mom and I locked horns a lot when I was a teenager and I have a lot of letters that she wrote to relatives when we lived in Brazil. She describes how much I pushed her buttons and how frazzled I made her. It was weird because I had an aha! moment when I was in high school and had a psych class. I realized that she needed recognition and smoothing over and it really worked to pamper her. My Dad was the clown, the funny one, so I think she often felt like the heavy and the one who had to keep things in line. We're very different from each other, but have common ground, too, and I really have enjoyed her as an adult. My Dad died in April and I spent 3 weeks with her, the longest we had been together since I was in high school and it was very nice. So, I hope you and your daughter can find more places of sharing and enjoyment of each other.

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Amy Meissner link
8/21/2015 11:28:16 pm

Rachel,
Oh yes, "The Heavy." I totally know this role and play it to my detriment. I can only imagine what "aha" moment my daughter will have about me in her first psychology class and it won't be pretty. I know I have a lovely relationship with my sisters now as adults (I've always been close to my mom), so I'm sure Astrid and I will reach some common ground as well. Thank you so much for reading the blog and sharing your own mother-daughter experience.
XO Amy

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Anita Joy
8/22/2015 10:43:35 pm

With my tongue-firmly-in-cheek, I can spot the "aha" your daughter may receive from her first psychology class already.

It's in your statement <i>our children choose us</i> You've just placed yourself above all reproach! Haha...nice one, mum!

Amy Meissner link
8/23/2015 12:14:05 am

Anita Joy--
Oh dear, I think I should have gone even further with that "woo-woo" moment to clarify that the choosing of one another was mutual. She chose me. I chose her. Neither of us is above reproach in the matter. Of course this line of thinking isn't for everyone, but it stops both of us in our tracks when we consider what this MIGHT mean for our relationship here and now -- if there was some element of ourselves at some point in time that was so much wiser than we currently are, then perhaps our life's work is to do all we can to move toward that wisdom and understanding and kindness. We're all just trying to be good people around here. It's hard work. We realize it with every divine and magical narrative we can. Gnomes count. Jesus counts. Raven counts. Buddha counts.

And ALL the extra quarters go into the Therapy Jar.

Thanks for reading so closely and for taking the time to comment, I appreciate it~
XO Amy

Michele link
8/19/2015 08:19:59 pm

Thank you for the link to Lee Ann Walker's Pinterest boards. Truly amazing.
And there will be more of these golden moments in your future. Yesterday I helped my baby girl pack for college, going through her astonishing piles of clothing, trying on silly things.

Reply
Amy Meissner link
8/21/2015 11:34:54 pm

Michele,
I'm glad you checked out the Pinterest boards. I have no idea how she keeps it all straight, but how fabulous for the rest of us! Thank you for sharing your recent Golden Moment. "Golden Moments" for us have always been the 5 minutes of silence with everyone staring at the little hourglass at mealtime, just bursting with words and thoughts and songs and ideas that MUST be shared (but not yet). Yesterday, however, my daughter informed me, after 3 days of first grade, that NOW a "Golden Moment" is when you see that someone needs help or there's a job that needs to be done, and you step in and do the work without having been asked. This is how it's all evolving for her. Slowly, but beautifully.
I appreciate that you showed up here.
XO Amy

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Roxanne Lasky link
8/19/2015 09:37:50 pm

Hi Amy, Just spent some precious moments with my girls this weekend. Last time for a while longer than I'd like to realize. I am glad you cherish the small ones, too. Getting a bra…that's another story.

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Amy Meissner link
8/21/2015 11:41:22 pm

Roxanne,
I read your comment and just had a horror flashback of buying my first bra with my mother. It was so embarrassing and the thing was so thick and strappy and white, so ugly it came folded up in a box, not even pretty enough to hang on display. Was that really all that was available? I have a neon yellow sports bra that Astrid is coveting and has asked me to save for her (ummm....sweaty...ewww, I'll buy you your own, dear). I'm glad there are more options now.
The time past, time present, and what's to come ... all precious.
Thanks for reading and commenting!
XO Amy

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Claire DeBerg link
8/19/2015 11:43:06 pm

Amy,

Love. Love this post. I miss Alaska so much after reading this. Gloria just turned 13 on Monday. She's a teen!? Wild. Wonderful. I wrote her a letter you might like. It is on haroldandgloria.wordpress.com I wish you and I could go for a hike together. Maybe sometime...

xo

Reply
Amy Meissner link
8/21/2015 11:55:51 pm

Claire!
Thank you for reading and commenting, but mostly, thank you for sharing the link to your beautiful letter to your gorgeous girl. I'm still all teary after reading it and landing on that last photograph. I hope others will check out the post as well. Now I know what to do for Astrid when she turns 13, although I'll need to add an addition to the house just to accommodate all her stuffed animals if I move them out of her room.
Thanks for showing up here, it means a lot.
XO Amy

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Nancy link
8/20/2015 02:08:00 pm

I, too, love finding/getting "cool" stuff that some other people find weird and hanging onto that stuff to use someday.
Thanks for the tip about Lee Ann Walker's boards: Awesome!!!!

Reply
Amy Meissner link
8/21/2015 11:58:47 pm

Nancy,
I love the strange found objects, too, but lately have been running across things I've saved and I'm like, "Whaaat?" I'm going to have to start affixing tags with ideas/intentions onto things I'm afraid. I like to call it "Highly Organized Hoarding."
Glad you visited Lee Ann's boards (talk about Highly Organized!).
Thanks for reading and commenting--
XO Amy

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Judy Jones link
8/24/2015 05:35:26 am

Hey! I remember those perma-press bras with the quilted stitching. I had a few in the 1960’s when I was a teenager! If you have an inspired moment to use them, would love to hear about it! Meanwhile, what a gift to have that time with your daughter.

Reply
Amy Meissner link
8/24/2015 03:27:17 pm

Judy,
Yay! Thanks for the memory share and I have no idea what to do with the bras (I totally wish they fit, that would be a scream), but I'm sure something will come to me. And yes, time with my daughter is a gift ... everyday.
XO
Amy

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    Amy Meissner, textile artist. Photo credit Brian Adams, 2013. www.amymeissner.com

    Amy Meissner

    Artist in Anchorage, Alaska, sometimes blogging about the collision of history, family & art, with the understanding that none exists without the other.

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