Butterfly soul.

I've talked about series work before and since I just sent this piece off to the Barrett Art Center in Poughkeepsie, NY (which feels very far from Anchorage, AK -- more on this in an upcoming post), I'm sharing process photos of how this piece from the Reliquary Series came about. 

"Reliquary #3: Catch" (25.75 x 25.75) Vintage domestic linens, silk organza, wool, unfinished embroideries & quilt, found object. Machine pieced, hand embroidered & hand quilted, 2015.

I spent a lot of time researching reliquaries and memento mori for this series, exploring them through writing and drawing and pattern making, and have every intent to continue along this path for quite some time. I have no connection to these religious items based on my own history, but I'm a collector and a master of highly organized hoarding (and the requisite purging). The impulse behind this work is the question: How do we honor the worthless?  

The cloth, the stone, the unidentifiable bone.

And why would we?
And, should we?

I think a lot about what it means to revere objects that are old, discarded or unwanted -- especially things that someone once made, or chose, or lived with, or wore. And then I wonder about the combining of these histories and the shaping of an object with a new energy.

And alongside the mental journey, is the physical act of creating. The building, the repetition, the decision making, the standing back and realizing: Oh crap. I just made something that is too f***ing precious.

Then conjuring the cajones it takes fix that last part.

Because sometimes a slice is the only way to insert what is needed into an object. In this case, a soul. 

What kind of cuts do we make to reveal our own souls?  When do we put aside our deep embarrassment or fear or stumble through our lack of words in order to peel back the precious parts, the pretty parts, the smoothed over and gilded? How do we find the hidden spirit within an entity? Where does it hide?

A certain palette emerged in this series, and to see the work all in one room made me realize the power and meaning behind this limited range: 

          white: bone, history and the domestic
          gold and amber: bile, bodily fluid and the gilt edge
          black: ash and decay
          flesh tones: the body
          red: blood, the wound
          orange: the soul

I spent 12 hours making French knots using wool from discarded crewel embroidery kits.  

And the time it took to solve that design problem, offered further time to solve construction problems I knew were coming,

and allowed the recognition, despite the hours invested, that something still wasn't right. Either too literally portrayed, or just not fine enough,

and to know how to fix it.

All the while considering the sinister behind the beautiful. 
The macabre within the gilded vessel. 
The darkness behind the light. 
The horrifying thing that happens when you pursue and then catch a butterfly.

I thought for a time that I needed to insert my artist self somewhere. Among quilters, none of my points are perfectly rendered. Among embroiderers, my stitches are narrowly defined or nameless. Among writers, I'm here blogging. Among fine artists, my work is defined as craft. 

So I drift. Strengthening an intent that is honed through time, repetition, emotion and the narrative quality of a life. And the more I do this work, the less I care where it lands.

I will not be defined. I will not be pinned.

Among humans and butterflies, I am understood.



***
This is a link-heavy post. I'm to the point where this blog is coming together into ... I don't know ... something. Here's the list for those related posts: 

Strange Beauty
The Traveling Eye 6: Reliquary
Soul fever
The dream of pioneers
Amateur
Swallowing the needle
Finer
In the deep well of series work
Into darkness